Poetry

Andie (age 10) wrote this poem a few days ago about her twin sister, Rachel.

Rachel

She is friendly and caring

trusting and daring.

Her heart is sweet and made to be

always there to comfort me.

In the dark or in the night

she’s always there to make me bright

She is my twin and will always be

because she is so nice to me.

Rachel & Andie, age 6

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Picking your battles

One thing I’ve learned about being a parent is that picking your battles is immeasurably important, otherwise you’re going to be fighting a lot of them. In fact, I’m a firm believer that this is one of the most important aspects of parenting.

I used to be guilty of getting after the kids for what now seem like silly reasons, mostly when my daughters were young. I soon realized, though, that I was spending way too much of my time saying, “No, don’t do that” and not nearly enough time enjoying my girls. I realized that this wasn’t how I wanted them to remember me and decided that before I get upset about something, I need to think about whether or not it’s really worth the battle.

This is not to say that there is no discipline in our house. Of course there is. If I want to turn out responsible, kind, reliable, honest, hard-working adults someday, there has to be discipline. I’m talking about the little things, the things that I might not particularly like or want them to do, but that just aren’t worth a battle.

When Rachel wears an outfit that doesn’t particularly match, I let her know that it doesn’t, but since it doesn’t bother her, I let her wear it. When Logan plays with PlayDoh and mixes it all together, even though I’d like him to keep the colors separate, I let him mix all he wants. When Cody insists on wearing his Spiderman costume from Halloween to bed, even though it’s ridiculously tight and coming apart, I let him wear it. My rule of thumb is that as long as their actions aren’t hurting or endangering anyone, and as long as there are no moral issues involved, I will let them do it. Since I don’t get on their cases for everything, they listen better when I do because they know the things I do fight for are important.

Battles worth fighting are ones such as what TV shows my kids watch; how much time they spend watching TV and playing on the computer versus how much time they spend in creative play; treating each other nicely rather than hitting or name-calling; learning to be responsible and dependable; and cleaning up after themselves. These are worth battling for because they all have an impact on the formation of their characters.

So, before you get on your child’s case because you’re not a big fan of the shoes she’s wearing or he’s making a huge mess in his room but he’s having a great time, ask yourself if it’s really worth fighting about. Will your son have to pick up his mess? Of course. Should you instruct your daughter in choosing appropriate shoes so she knows how to dress herself someday when she actually cares how she looks? Sure. Giving your children choices and letting them make their own decisions is a big part of growing up and learning. If they can’t make their own choices in the small things that don’t matter in the big picture, how will they be able to make decisions when it counts? Guidance and consequences are necessary, but save your battles for the big things.

That’s my 2¢ for the day.

Do you pick your battles or do you find yourself constantly on your child’s case?

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Guilty as Charged

I got the idea for this post from one of my new favorite blogs, The Meanest Mom. Thank you to Jana for the inspiration.

Guilty As Charged:

1. If we don’t have to go anywhere, we’re usually in our pajamas, most or all of the day.

2. When I’m trying to get something done that requires intense concentration for my writing business, I use the TV and/or computer as a baby-sitter.

3. I throw away toys that keep getting left out, especially if there are teeny pieces involved, even more especially if I keep stepping on said teeny pieces. Annoying toys often mysteriously “go missing.”

4. My attic harbors bags and bags of my girls’ old clothes, some of which have been ruined by a leaky roof, and all of which need to be pitched.

5. Sometimes I hide in my closet so I can talk on the phone without interruption.

6. I almost never make my bed and neither do my kids. Unless we’re changing the sheets or company is coming.

7. I often eat the kids’ holiday candy, and I feel absolutely no guilt or shame.

8. I hide food that I don’t want to share with my kids and eat it when they’re in bed.

9. When I don’t feel like making supper, I institute “Fend For Yourself” night, which means the kids can eat whatever they want.

10. I put the kids to bed way earlier than normal sometimes, just so I can have a breather.

11. I let Logan mix the Play-Doh together until it becomes an unsightly shade of gray.

12. If the girls’ clothes go through the laundry inside-out, I don’t fix them, I fold them up and leave them that way.

13. I never, ever iron.

14. I say, “Hang on, I’ll be right there,” when I’m in the middle of something, hoping that the kid who called me will forget what he/she wanted.

15. The best way to deal with leftovers that have piled up is to have “Refrigerator Regurgitation” night.

Your turn to share! What are your “dirty little secrets” for coping with the kids?

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Germs, ewwwww…

Hi. My name is Sarah, and I’m a germophobe.

Yes, I’ll admit it…I have issues with germs. In my defense, I come from a long line of germophobes, on both sides of the family, so there was really no escaping my destiny. There are stories that my maternal grandmother made my grandfather wash his mouth out with Listerine before she’d kiss him. My paternal grandmother evidently felt the need to put clean socks that had fallen on the floor back in the dirty laundry pile, despite the fact that said socks would be touching the floor eventually anyway. I don’t remember any specific stories about my dad, but there was always a general aura of cleanliness and germ-distancing around him, which evidently rubbed off on me, who already had the seeds to become a germophobe myself.

My pet peeve: When I’m in a public bathroom and someone else uses the facilities, then runs her hands under the water for 2 seconds and leaves. Excuse me? Why even bother? If this little hand-rinsing act is strictly for show, why not do the show right? There is just no excuse for not using soap, I don’t care what anyone says. It’s not like we aren’t well-informed about bacteria and germs. We all know that we’re supposed to wash our hands thoroughly with soap and warm water to avoid spreading germs, so why do so many people just ignore that and leave their nasty bodily fluids all over the place?

Shopping cart handles give me the willies, as do public door and faucet handles. There are countless statistics about all the disgusting microorganisms lurking on them, things like urine, feces, semen, cold germs, mucous. <<SHUDDER>> Who wants to be touching that?

Kudos to the stores that have antibacterial wipes next to the carts so my kids and I don’t get ill from someone else’s ick. Much frequented by me is the store that has a handle on the outside of the bathroom door so that I can push my way out when I’m done instead of having to use my sleeve or a paper towel to get out. Even more kudos to those with bathrooms equipped with touchless soap, paper towels and faucets, a germophobe’s dream.

A great big BOO to the stores who don’t provide paper towels in the bathroom, forcing me to use a wad of toilet paper in my departure.

To all those people out there who can’t seem to expend the 30 seconds it takes to properly wash your hands, just take a moment to think about what you might be spreading around, not to mention what you’re picking up from others like you who think that their own germs are somehow sterile. Come on, people, take the time to wash your hands correctly! And please train your kids to do the same. It’s simple, basic hygiene.

Are you a fellow germophobe? Welcome! Please share your germophobic roots and pet peeves.

If you’re not a germophobe, do you have a problem with people not washing their hands correctly? Why or why not?

Addendum: A very wise commenter pointed out that some people actually can’t wash their hands due to allergies, scent-induced headaches and antibacterial concerns. These issues did not even occur to me, so now I think I was perhaps a bit harsh on those who only rinse. However, I stand by my plea to people who don’t have these problems to please wash your hands. That said, I will no longer be so quick to judge people who just rinse. Thank you for the reality check, suburbancorrespondent.

Hopefully more public restrooms will begin using regular soap rather than antibacterial because, as much as I love the idea of getting rid of bacteria, I agree with suburbancorrespondent that it’s going to end up hurting us in the long run because it gets rid of good bacteria as well. I suppose that means I shouldn’t be using antibacterial gel or wipes either…

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An Amazon.com tip

OK, so this really isn’t parenting-related, but it’s still something I decided I should share because most of the people I’ve talked to about this haven’t been aware of this particular feature on Amazon. As an Amazon lover — I actually do a lot of my shopping there since I live in the boonies — I feel compelled to pass this on to fellow Amazon shoppers. If you’ve already figured out this trick for yourself, kudos.

If you find something that you really want, put it in your Amazon cart and save it for later. The cart will always be there and every time you log in and check it, items with price changes will show up at the top of the page. There have been things that I’ve been dying to have, so I saved them in my cart and, with a little patience, was able to get them later for a steal.

For instance, I really wanted Corelle dishes because my stoneware ones were getting chipped and smashed (thanks, kids). I picked a pattern and put it in my cart. Months later, the price was down to something like $25 for a 4-place setting, plus Amazon was doing a promotion where you could buy one and get another one half off. Normally these dishes were around $40 at least, so I was thrilled to get 2 sets for around the same price.

That’s just one example. I could count many others. The key here is patience: If it’s not something you need immediately, save it because it will almost surely end up being a much better buy later.

Of course this means logging in every once in awhile to check, ideally every day, but that only takes a few seconds of your time. My saved cart has around 200 items in it. Yeah, that’s a lot, but I’ve also been adding things to it since 2004. It’s fun to check in and see if anything has become ridiculously low in price. Sometimes there are things you just can’t pass up, like a whole season of a popular TV show for $13.

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Toys = Batteries

Seriously, toy companies have got to be in some sort of collusion with battery companies. Toy corporations seem to be getting some sort of  major incentive to create toys that take tons of batteries and suck them dry as quickly as possible. It would explain a lot.

I shudder at the number of batteries we go through in this house. Everything seems to need them and they die so ridiculously fast, I feel like I change batteries almost daily.

Word to toy companies: In an effort to become economically frugal, not to mention ecologically aware, you should be making toys that come standard with rechargeable batteries. The amount of waste all these batteries make is scary and irresponsible.

That said, I have found a solution of sorts, since most toys don’t seem to be equipped with rechargeables: Sanyo eneloop rechargeable batteries. They’re a bit spendy (around $12 for 4 AAs, for instance), but in the long run they save a bundle. Their beauty is that they retain a charge of up to 85% after a year of storage and they’re ready to use straight out of the package. They can also be charged 1,000 times or more. They’re great for digital cameras and other battery-sucking electronics because they stay at a high voltage level until just before they empty.

My favorite part about the eneloop is that I can switch batteries, immediately charge the eneloops, and then store them without worrying that they might be dead the next time I need batteries. They are a fantastic invention. They’re much easier on the environment and they have a long-term low cost. For more information, visit http://www.eneloop.info/home.html.

One caveat I’ve found, and this may be just because of where I live, is that I haven’t been able to find them in stores. I order mine from Amazon.com, which generally offers them at a reasonable price.

Do you go through a lot of batteries in your house? Have you made any changes in this area?

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My baby is turning 5 tomorrow!

Tomorrow is Logan’s 5th birthday.

Sniff.

Tomorrow marks the first time I went into labor on my own, the worst pain I’ve ever endured in my entire life, the only epidural I ever had, which was only for the last 20 minutes of my labor (ugh) and the day that my life changed forever.

The day I found out I was pregnant with Logan, I bawled. I had just returned from taking 10-month-old Cody to the Mayo Clinic to have his epilepsy evaluated and since he was our second child with it, I had decided that I didn’t want to have another baby and risk epilepsy with that one too. Feeling overwhelmed already, the realization that I was going to have another child was not welcome news.

I spent the entire pregnancy in a fog as my marriage took a devastating blow shortly after we found out about the upcoming baby. In terms of nasty pregnancy symptoms, this one was blissfully free of them, but I had other problems. I was under so much stress that I couldn’t gain weight and had to start drinking high-calorie Ensure every day to make up for it. I started having contractions far too early and my doctor put me on medication to control them so I that hopefully wouldn’t go into labor, a possibility about which he was very concerned.

Memories of Logan’s birth are hazy. I remember wishing I could die, thinking that the pain was absolutely unbearable, being put off on having the epidural because it was “too soon,” when really, they waited WAY too long (I was 8 1/2 cm. dilated by the time I had it). I don’t really remember what Logan looked like or if I was happy when he was born. I think I was just complacent and neutral, a zombie of sorts.

The first year of his life is likewise a blur as I sunk into an even deeper depression due to my marriage difficulties. What I remember most though is that Logan is a big reason I’m still here today. He was such a good and happy baby. His smile always came easily and I often felt as if he was sent to me by God to infuse my life with joy and keep me going. Having to tend to him helped me get out of bed in the morning. Looking at his chubby, cheerful baby face brought unbidden smiles to my own. My other kids brought me a lot of joy too; there’s just something about a baby though, especially a baby whose main purpose seems to be to bring happiness to his home.

Logan has been nothing short of a miracle and a blessing to our family. He still likes me to carry him all over the place. He loves to cuddle and tells me almost every day that he wants to marry me. (Of course, that declaration is reneged every time I don’t let him have something he wants.) It’s a cliché, but kids really do grow up way too fast. Before I know it, he’ll be turning ten, then fifteen, then eighteen…

Of course his getting older just means I’m also getting older.

Boo.

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